New Parking Rules
Rule #1 – When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road, don’t signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing.
Rule #2 – Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.
Rule #3 – In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up half way and stop on the line, taking both.
Rule #4 – As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him.
Rule #5 – Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his/her car.
Rule #6 – When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle with your door really hard.
Rule #7 – When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate of speed.
Rule #8 – Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping center parking lots. While you’re at it, dump out all the garbage, too, including that Wendy’s or McDonald’s bag sitting in the back seat from breakfast.
Rule #9 – When a vehicle from the opposite direction is signaling and waiting for a parking space, position your car so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.
Rule #10 – If you don’t see a speed limit sign posted in the mall’s parking lot, there isn’t any!