The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
A new poll shows only 1 out of 4 people approve of the job President Bush is doing. That means when he’s having dinner with his wife and two daughters, he’s the only one at the table who thinks he’s doing a good job.
Congress now has a 10 percent approval rating. That seems way too high.
The Senate voted on the bailout again tonight. Sen. Larry Craig missed the vote. He was in the men’s room introducing his own package.
The vice presidential debate is tomorrow night. Joe Biden already gearing up: He went to the hair salon and told the guy to put a little more on top.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard at Sarah Palin’s Debate Camp
10. “Let’s practice your bewildered silence
9. “Can you try saying ‘Yes’ instead of ‘You betcha’?”
8. “Hey, I can see Mexico from here!”
7. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and there won’t be any questions about Iraq, taxes, or healthcare”
6. “We’re screwed!”
5. “Can I just use that lipstick-pit bull thing again?”
4. “We have to wrap it up for the day — McCain eats dinner at 4:30”
3. “Can we get Congress to bail us out of this debate?”
2. “John Edwards wants to know if you’d like some private tutoring in his van”
1. “Any way we can just get Tina Fey to do it?”
Late Show with David Letterman
Hugh Hefner asked Sarah Palin to pose naked in Playboy magazine. The last vice presidential candidate to be asked to pose naked was Lloyd Bentsen.
The vice presidential debate is tomorrow night — otherwise known as “the debate to nowhere.”
During the Sarah Plain interview with Katie Couric on CBS News, Sarah Palin could not remember the name of a newspaper or magazine that she reads. I was thinking, “Wow — possibly, a leader of the country who doesn’t read.” Then I thought, “Well hell, it’s worked pretty well for George Bush.”
Sarah Palin is nothing if not diligent. She’s working hard, preparing for the debate with Joe Biden. Earlier today, in Arizona, we heard she shot a donkey.
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
Economists are now claiming that our nation’s leaders didn’t properly explain the bailout plan to the public. After hearing this, President Bush said, “While you’re at it, someone should explain it to me.”
It’s been reported that John McCain is taking an herbal supplement to improve his memory. Apparently, McCain is having trouble remembering why he picked Sarah Palin.
Last night during an interview on CBS, Sarah Palin said, “One of my best friends is a lesbian, and I love her dearly.” After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Prove it.”
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg says he’s interested in running again, but there’s resistance because the law would have to be changed to allow for a third term. It’s not that people have a big problem with Mike Bloomberg, they just don’t want to give President Bush any ideas.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Great day for Sarah Palin. She has been practicing for the big debate tomorrow night. Palin’s staff has tried to find a stand-in to pretend to be Joe Biden, but so far all they’ve come up with is a tree stump. Which actually sounds about right.
John McCain said he turns to Sarah Palin for foreign policy advice. And then he turns to his wife Cindy, to get her to cut his meat.
Scary day in Washington today — they found a hand grenade in a park. At first they thought the worst, but it turns out Cheney just went for walk, and it fell out of his pocket.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
John McCain gave a speech in Independence, Mo., today. He talked about his plan to solve the economic crisis, then strode triumphantly off stage. Well, he couldn’t find his way off stage. That’s why you have to have an exit strategy worked out.
The much-anticipated vice presidential debate takes place tomorrow night. Sen. Joe Biden faces off with Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. Teams of technicians have been working around the clock to figure out how to run an Internet cable directly into the back of her skull to feed her information.
Even though she’s not expected to do well in the debate, she is favored heavily in Friday’s swimsuit competition.
CBS aired Part 2 of Katie Couric’s sitdown with Sarah Palin and once again, Katie did not shy away from asking tough questions, and once again, Sarah did not shy away from giving embarrassing answers.