Signs You’ve Grown Up

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of
2. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for
real work.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and
break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids
next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the
beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely
upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
20. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
21. “I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m
never going to drink that much again.”
22. You no longer drink at home to save money before going
to a bar.
23. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign
that this doesn’t apply to you.

2 thoughts on “Signs You’ve Grown Up

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