The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Tomorrow, America’s most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Afterwards, she’ll get out on the ice and skate around reporters’ question.
Good news: she was cleared in that “troopergate” scandal. You know who cleared her? Sarah Palin.
Before lawmakers in Alaska could release their report on the scandal, Palin’s campaign released the results of their own investigation clearing her of any wrongdoing. Thank God we cleared that up. Apparently, she can see the courthouse from her front porch.
Do you remember when we had an economy? Things are so bad, when President Bush flies Ari Force One, he’s has to fly coach.
Late Show with David Letterman
On this date in 1901, boxer shorts were invented. That may not mean much to you, but it’s sure made life comfortable for Rosie O’Donnell.
Congratulations to Bill and Hillary Clinton; it’s their 33rd wedding anniversary. And I thought the Iraq war was a never-ending conflict.
Hillary is celebrating 33 years with Bill. Or as Hillary likes calls it, “the bridge to nowhere.”
At least Hillary gets to have one celebration this year.
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
A town in upstate New York is being accused of being biased because they sent out absentee ballots that say “Barack Osama.” Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say, “Barack Hussein Osama.”
Today The Washington Post compared the 2008 presidential election to the 1932 presidential election. Mainly because 1932 was the first time John McCain ran for president.
Due to complaints, Walgreen’s drugstore has been forced to remove talking dolls of Barack Obama and John McCain. Walgreen’s was also forced to remove the real Ralph Nader from their store.
In a new interview, Angelina Jolie said, “I’m with a man who’s evolved enough to look at my body and see it as more beautiful because of the journey it has taken and what it has created.” Then, Brad Pitt said, “Yeah, whatever.”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
This week, the National Rifle Association endorsed John McCain and Sarah Palin. Gov. Palin is a huge gun enthusiast. She is actually using a shotgun to plan daughter’s wedding.
According to a new study this week, eight out of 10 Americans are stressed about the economy. Apparently two out of 10 Americans are in a coma.
According to Esquire magazine, Halle Berry is the sexiest woman alive. Take that Angelina Jolie, you washed-up hag.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!