Internet Forums


How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electrical section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb”

… another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is “lamp”

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that “light bulb” is perfectly correct

3 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

20 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

5 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL’s

3 to post about links they found from the URL’s that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add “Me too”

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say “didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?”

3 to say “do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs”

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

Installing A Husband


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
* Romance 9.5 and
* Personal Attention 6.5,

and then installed undesirable programs such as

* NBA 5.0,
* NFL 3.0 and
* Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

* Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
* Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
* Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
* If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
* Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 -program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
* Cooking 3.0 and
* Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Desperate!

Tech Support

C-Nile Virus


Warning: New Virus Identified

There’s a new virus going around. It is called C-Nile. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of it so be warned. It appears to affect mostly those of us who were born before 1960.

Symptoms of C-Nile Virus:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail
3. Causes you to send it to the wrong person
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment
6. Causes you to hit “SEND” before you’ve finished the

Misinterpreted URLs


Easily Misinterpreted URLS

The Royal Tit-Watching (Ornithological) Society Of Britain used the domain: http://www.Nice-Tits.org

Manufacturer of instruments for monitoring temperature, humidity and pressure Dickson didn’t think twice when they choose: http://www.DicksOnWeb.com

A holiday rentals company in Spain is called Choose Spain. Hopefully the vacation won’t be a painful experience: http://www.ChoosesPain.com

A company selling CAD software and Learning CDs was called ViaGrafix – quite innocent until a blue pill hit the market. The company is now called Learn2.www.ViagraFix.com

TeachersTalk: A community for teachers and student to discuss all areas of teaching… Even how to stalk teachers? http://www.TeacherStalk.com

The small town Winters’ local newspaper is called Winters Express and can be read online at: http://www.WinterSexPress.com

An eBay competitor was considering the name Auctions Hit, but found it to be a shitty name: http://www.AuctionShit.com

If you offer a scaffold erection/dismantle service, maybe you shouldn’t have a mammoth as your mascot and call your company Mammoth Erection: http://www.MammothErection.com

Things to do and see along New York State’s Canals and vacation regions: http://www.NYCAnal.com

New Zealand’s “As Seen On TV” is called “But That’s Not All”. But do they sell Butt Hats or not?www.ButtHatsNotAll.co.nz

The kids might look nice in their Childrens’ Wear, but remember: http://www.ChildrenSwear.co.uk

IHA Vegas‘ holiday rentals might have a special smell, since: http://www.IHaveGas.com

Could a Apple Macintosh make me more masculine? Read more in macHome magazine: http://www.MachoMe.com
Odds Extractor – Online gambling resource or farmers looking for new and unusual machinery?www.OddSexTractor.com

If you’re known as Big Al, why not call your online fish supplies store for Big Al’s Online?www.BiGalsOnline.com

SCA Tissue – Away-From-Home tissue products has a terrible issue with their name: http://www.ScatIssue.com

Even if you’re company is called Cumbria Storage Systems don’t even think about calling your website: http://www.CumStore.co.uk

Alter Scrap Processing part of The Alter Companies use the domain: http://www.AltersCrap.com

Anyone knows if Australian ISP WebOne does some moonlighting? http://www.WeBone.com

Don’t start a business in Cook Islands… Given that their TLD is .ck and they use .co for commercial domains, you end up with: http://www.budget.Co.

~thanks Stan!